“Would you take a look at that?” Lavender Brown elbowed her roommate, who was gossiping with her Ravenclaw sister in her normal Sunday morning fashion. Parvati turned in the direction Lavender indicated, then stopped mid-sentence, her jaw dropping in a most undignified manner.

Padma’s eyes followed those of her sister’s. She opened her mouth as if to speak, then shut it again. On the second try, she came up with the oh-so-quaint, “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Pause. “Of course you are, you’re staring and, good heavens, drooling. Parvati?”

“That’s. . . Professor Snape. . .” drooled Parvati. “But it doesn’t LOOK LIKE Professor Snape. . .”

Professor Snape had entered the corridor and struck up a conversation with Professor Flitwick. Snape’s thoroughly cleaned and oil-free hair rested lightly against the silver collar that peeked out from underneath his snazzy emerald green jumper. His light-gray trousers accentuated the length of his legs, which was considerable, but the most amazing sight of all was Snape’s face. It was, indeed, much tanner than normal, but far more remarkable was the smile upon it as he spoke with the charms professor. Flitwick must have said something amusing, because Snape threw back his head and laughed, a silky laugh that sent a tingle down each of the three girls’ spine. After the laugh, Snape’s hair fell perfectly back into place.

“Do you think he’s been hexed or something?” Lavender asked. “I mean, Snape doesn’t laugh.”

“He doesn’t generally wear colors, either,” remarked Padma. “Although he does seem to be wearing Slytherin colors, so that rules out a Gryffindor prank.”

Colin Creevey was passing by with his camera, to catch a shot of the ‘new’ Snape, when he heard the girls hypothesizing. “So, you don’t know then. I thought everyone knew by now. Snape’s had a MAKEOVER.” He then proceeded to explain to the pure-bloods who the Fab Five were and why they’d come to Hogwarts.

“Well, Merlin bless the Fab Five, because the new Snape is HOT!” cooed Lavender.

Parvati nodded enthusiastically, “He can give me detention anytime he wants, as long as he comes looking like THAT.”

Colin snorted, “Oh please, I’m sure he’s still the same greasy git underneath. Good lord, he’s headed this way!”

Sure enough, Snape had bid Flitwick a pleasant “Good Day!” and was now approaching their small huddle. “Good day, Miss Brown, Misses Patil, Mr. Creevey. I trust you are enjoying your morning? It is a splendid morning, is it not?”

The seventh-years looked past their Professor out the window. It was gray and cloudy, as per usual in January. Padma elbowed her sister, who was in danger of drooling again.

“Yes, sir. Quite a lovely day. The weather is just perfect. . .um. . . for wearing such a lovely jumper.” Parvati’s words proved once and for all why she was not in Ravenclaw like her sister, but Professor Snape rewarded her with a smile anyway.

“Thank you, Miss Patil. Five points to Gryffindor for your compliment. Now I’m afraid I must be off, I have someone to thank for their wonderful gift!” He nodded to the students and bounced off down the hall.

“This we have to share,” giggled Lavender, and the three girls raced away, leaving Colin to shake his head in wonder and wish he’d been able to get a picture.




Finally, thought Hermione as she entered the library, some time to myself. This had been her first opportunity to study this weekend, what with all the excitement, and she really was looking forward to reading ahead for her Advanced Arithmancy class. She took off her coat, spread it over the back of the chair like a cushion and plopped herself down. Nearly instantly she became engrossed in her reading, and thus she failed to notice the Queer Eye camera crew set up shop across the room. She never noticed that the camera was pointed right at her as she began making notes on her parchment, occasionally stopping to stare blankly skyward as she pondered a difficult section.

Her scholastic reverie continued right up until she was startled by the gently husky beratement of her loathed Potions Master. “Why, Miss Granger, would you waste a perfectly lovely Sunday morning by spending it cooped up in the library?”

Hermione looked up, expecting to be faced with Professor Snape’s sneering mug but instead met the teasing smile of her much-altered instructor.

“I’m sure that Professor Vector wouldn’t begrudge your having some fun on the weekend,” said Professor Snape with a smile as he gently removed the book from her hands and closed it, “especially since she’s mentioned several times that you are months ahead of the class already.”

Hermione’s planned retort died silently unspoken. Snape had just given her a compliment! She’d waited years for him to acknowledge her competence in his class, but apparently all he needed was a haircut and some nicer clothes. She eyed him suspiciously, waiting for the new Snape to dissolve into the old, but he merely continued smiling at her before chiding, “What are you waiting for, Miss Granger? I’ve requested that you take the day off from studying, and you wouldn’t want to disobey your Professor, would you?”

Still a bit shaken by his demeanor, Hermione stood and began packing her bag, “If you insist, Professor.”

“I do,” he replied. “Sundays are for Quidditch and chess, not for libraries and potions dungeons. In fact, I’m going down to the duck pond right now to play with the baby geese. You’re welcome to join me if you’d like.”

She shook her head, somewhat squicked by the suggestion. “No, thank you, sir. I think I’ll just find my friends.”

“As you wish. Good day, Miss Granger.” And then he was off.

Hermione fought to control the very queasy feeling growing in her stomach as she gathered up her belongings and raced back to Gryffindor tower to find Ron and Harry. They’d be very interested to hear this story!




“I don’t understand what they’re all going on about,” grumbled Ron. “I mean, so what if Snape found some nice clothes and a tan. Have they forgotten the seven years of Hades that he’s put us through?”

Harry snorted, “I’m sure they haven’t, but they say women go for the ‘bad boys.’ And Snape is certainly *that*.”

The boys and Hermione had just finished a troubling lunch during which they heard no conversations that did not revolve around the “Sexy New Snape.” Harry was becoming quite cross with Ginny, who’d not been able to take her eyes from the snarky Potions Master throughout her meal, and Ron was swearing that Parvati had deliberately hiked up her skirt a little when she walked by the head table to head for the washroom.

“It’s not fair,” whined Ron. “I didn’t have any girls mooning after me when Fred and George bought me those nice dress robes. And I’m not a greasy git.”

Harry agreed. “If I’d known the effect this makeover would have on the female population of Hogwarts, I’d never have gone through with it. What do you think, Hermione?”

Hermione looked up from her soup, “Huh? What? I didn’t hear you.”

“Not you too!” groaned Ron.

“Not me too, what?” challenged Hermione. “You don’t think I’m drooling over Snape too, now do you? You’d better not be!”

Ron stared back at her defiantly, angering Hermione further. “I think I’ve lost my appetite.” Hermione dropped her spoon into her soup and left the Great Hall, again oblivious to the Muggle eyes watching her every move.




“I’m happy to play the part in public, as difficult as it is, but please do not expect me to be all bubbles and sunshine behind closed doors,” grimaced Severus after the cameras went off. He, Carson, and Kyan had just spent the better part of three hours in Snape’s quarters working with the tailor on his new “haute couture”. Two hours and forty-three minutes of that time was monopolized by Carson’s conversation.

“That’s fine, Sevvie, now that the camera’s off you can just be who you are!” gushed Carson. “You can ‘Shine like the brightest star!’ No, wait, that’s definitely not you. How about ‘Howl like the lupine wolf!’ or maybe ‘Strike like a bolt of lightning!’ perhaps? I’m not sure but we’ll get it right eventua-”

Silencio!” Severus had been repeating that word over and over in his head for the past three hours. He didn’t think he’d have the poor judgment to say it in front of these muggles, however, no matter how strong the provocation. Wait a minute, he HADN’T said it. He turned from the still babbling (but silently babbling) Carson to Kyan, who was sliding a wand back down into a hidden pocket in his jeans.

Kyan smiled, “I’ve been wanting to do that for about a year now, but I never had the opportunity. Carson’s a great guy, but sometimes he’s a little much, even for another queer guy.”

“You’re a wizard.” Severus stated.

“Obviously,” grinned Kyan. “and once Carson realizes he can’t hear what we’re saying through his own silent bubble, we’ll probably have to Obliviate him. But it’s worth it.”

“What is a wizard doing posing as a makeover-mongering muggle?” Severus had enough difficulty understanding why some wizards chose to live in the muggle world, but even less to understand why they’d pick a career path such as Kyan’s.

“Well, I don’t know how it is here in the U.K. but in America gay wizards aren’t exactly welcomed with open arms. And aside from that, I never really found a wizarding career that suited me, and of course wizards don’t generally need their hair cut or their nails done, they just ‘swish and flick’ and voila! Present company excepted, of course. So I realized I had more to offer to the muggle community than to the wizarding world.”

The explanation sounded reasonable, but Snape was still curious. “Obviously you haven’t given up magic completely though.”

Kyan laughed, “Of course not! As far as muggle technology has come, wizards have it made when it comes to things like acne removal and hair treatments. You’ll be happy to hear that I’m putting my Potions training to good use with my skin care and hair care product lines, how do you think it is that I’m able to make every ugly face that comes onto our show smooth and shiny?”

Snape grinned to himself, thinking that should Lockhart ever extricate himself from St. Mungo’s he’d be horrified to hear that he’d have steep competition in the personal grooming products industry. He was liking Kyan more and more each minute.

“Of course,” continued Kyan, “I’d appreciate it if you kept my wizarding roots a secret from the others. I’m afraid it might change the group dynamic were it to get out, plus there is that minor detail that none of them believe in magic.”

“My lips are sealed, but might I make a suggestion?” Severus walked over to his closet and retrieved a small box from the top shelf. He handed this to Kyan, who read the label aloud.

“Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes – Silencing Salt-water Taffy” Kyan’s eyebrows lifted expectantly.

“I confiscated these from a student. When Carson gets to be ‘a little much’, offer him one of these. Much less obvious than Silencio and it won’t require an Obliviate’ afterwards.”

Kyan laughed, “Severus Snape, for a grumpy Potions Professor, I think you’re ok. Let’s deal with poor Carson here and then see if we can work some magic on those student interview tapes.”
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