Ten years. That's how long I've been slaying. Nobody's ever lasted that long after being called. Granted, I'm not the oldest slayer in history, but I've been on the job the longest. A few more years and I'll be the oldest. I don't know if I can handle it.
I understand why vampires—well, normal ones—don't have souls. I think it'd be a fate worse than death, to live forever and watch your loved ones die. I should know.
It started with Riley. He left. He went on his little mission. But part of me still loved him. And all of me missed him. I got a phone call about six months after he left. It was Graham. They had found a demon den. Too many to handle. Explosives had been the only option. Riley was caught in the explosion. He's dead.
I got over it. It took a while. Before, there had always been a chance I'd see him again. But death has a way of changing that.
I got over it.
Tara was next. It was a rare blood disease. There was no way to detect it. One day, she was fine. Two days later, she was dead. Willow was a wreck, but not me. I had survived Riley. I could survive this.
I got over it.
After Tara, Willow needed a break. She, Xander, and Anya decided to spend the day at the beach. They invited me too, but Angel needed my help. I was in L.A. for the weekend. Willow got caught in the tide. Part of me wonders if maybe Tara's death had just been too much for her. In any case, Xander swam to her rescue, but the current was too strong. Anya watched them drown.
They were my two best friends. I lost them at the same time, and I didn't know how to deal. I shut down. I lost myself in the slaying. Anya lost herself in the loneliness.
She blamed me.
I let her.
She shot herself.
I got over it.
After that, it was just me and Giles. And I realized just how much I needed my friends. Glory won. She found out Dawn was the key. Mom told Glory that the only way she would get Dawn was over my mother's dead body.
Glory agreed. They're both gone now.
I didn't think I'd get over it. Then Faith was released. Instead of bringing trouble, though, she became my lighthouse in the dark. Between her and Giles, I learned to deal. I got over it.
But the world didn't. With the key in Glory's possession, the End of Days was activated. We fought hard and we won the war. But we lost the battle. Giles, Wesley, Gunn. All dead. Angel went over the edge. Faith had no choice but to stake him. Cordelia… She couldn't handle the loneliness, either. She went into shock. She's been in a coma now for about three years. As far as I can tell, she still has the visions.
I got over it.
And Faith and I were alone. So we latched onto each other. We moved in together, but not like that. Don't get me wrong. I loved her. I *love* her. And I know she loved me. But it wasn't a romantic love. We were slayers together. Sisters in arms. Sisters in mind. Sisters in soul. And we fought like it. But we always made up. We didn’t have a choice. She was all I had. I was all she had. Last year, we found out she had bone cancer.
She died last night.
Now, I am alone.
I don’t think I'll get over it.
End